Katamichi Kippu e Waru Waru no Hatairo
by Silmaril Eyes
Summary: The effects that Mrs. Takenouchi returning to university has on Sora. Another angsty fic from yours truly.


not enough

I hope you know that this is all your fault.

People ask me, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" Sure, ninety-nine percent of the time I smile and say I'm fine, but the other one percent I mumble something about feeling miserable because of Yamato breaking a date to go to band practise, or getting a D on that Science test.

But it's not. It's you. It's you, Mama, and all of your broken promises.

Do you remember that afternoon, Mama, when you took me with you to go and get our Social Security money? We were going to go shopping, just like a normal mother and daughter would. But no. You'd applied too late, because of your university schedule. And we had to go to the welfare office.

I was sitting there in my tennis uniform, my face flaming red, feeling so embarassed and ashamed. Welfare. Sora Takenouchi went to the welfare office with her mother, and they were given a slip so they could go and buy groceries at Buy-Right!

You were crying slightly and embarassed. You said you'd give up school, go back to running the shop. But you weren't going to, Mama. I knew you wouldn't. I just sat there on the white wicker chair, feeling like one of the usual Odaiba low-lifes you see come into that office. I didn't say a word as we walked across the street to the food store.

I closed my hands over the handle of the shopping cart and put on a brave smile for you. I desperately tried not to cry, tried to think of what Mimi would have done in the same situation. So I flicked my carrot-coloured bangs out of my eyes, stuck my nose in the air, and pushed the damn cart through the store.

They were playing a Teen-age Wolves song on the radio as I loaded our allocated 30, 000 yen of purchases into the cart. _"Katamichi kippu e waru, waru no hatairo"_, it's a one-way ticket to a bad, bad situation. Was it ever.

Remember that night where you, Dad and I all went out to Wagamama, the ramen restraunt? We were supposed to get there at 6:30, we had reservations. But we were late. Because you insisted that your Math homework had to be finished. And when we got there, you talked about the damned stuff! I just sat there, smiling and nodding, finding my ramen harder and harder to swallow. I joked lamely, sang along with that same song playing on the radio.

_"Katamichi kippu e waru, waru no hatairo."_

When we got home, I needed help with my homework. But you were busy doing your own. You snapped at me to go away. I tried to ask Dad, but he was busy too. Besides, Dad's no good at science. I thought you could have helped me memorise the parts of a flower...stamen, pistil, a single seed. You of all people could have helped me, but no. You had more important things to do than to help Sora, didn't you?

That wasn't the final straw, Mama. You want to know what it was? What really broke me? I woke up Friday morning after a gruelling tennis practise the night before. I'd gone to bed early because my stomach had been hurting. That morning, I woke up, and there was blood all over my bedclothes. I'd started my period.

I was mortified. My first instinct was to call out for you. So I did...but no one answered. Crying a little, I crawled out of bed, my bare feet hitting the cold floorboards of the apartment. I walked out of my room and into the kitchen, calling your name, my voice trembling. I reached the refrigerator -- there was a note on it.

_Sora -- I've left for an exam early and I'll be at the university 'till four this afternoon. You'll have to get ready for school yourself, okay? Love Mama._

I read it, scrunched it up in my shaking, sweaty hands, and began to cry softly. The tears rolled down my face and spattered onto the hardwood floor, sparkling in the mid-morning sunlight. I just stood there for a few more moments, then I slowly went back to my room, stripped off my bedclothes and pajamas, and threw them in the washing machine. I walked into the bathroom and started the shower, feeling numb as the warm water soothed my cramping stomach. The radio played softly as I washed my hair, and I sang along.

_"Katamichi kippu e waru, waru no hatairo."_

Then I got out, changed into my tracksuit and the necessary other things, and waited until I could call New York.

Yeah, Mama. I waited until Mimi got out of school, then, feeling like a lunatic, I asked her all the questions. Turned to her for help. My best friend, half a world away, helped me through one of the scariest experiences of my life. When you should have been there. You should have helped me through it. But you didn't. You were busy. You had school...and school's more important than anything else.

Yamato wonders why I've been so moody and withdrawn lately. "You're becoming like me," he jokes with that half-smile of his, and I smile bravely back. He's right, you know. I'm becoming like him. You know what made Yama the way he is? Loneliness. Not having anyone there when he needs them the most.

But...your schooling is more important than me. With your schooling, you can get a better job, and get more money. And we'll be happier then. School is a necessary evil, you say to me. It's either this or a part time job, Sora, you say. We'll be happier when this is all over. Hah. You will, Mama. You and Dad will be happier.

_"Katamichi kippu e waru, waru no hatairo."_

I won't.

[a.n.]  
Dedicated to my mother, who will never read this, never know how I feel, and never understand. Good luck with your midterm exams, Mom. ~Mimi


End file.
